slowly, positive

getting back to things slowly and surely, staying positive.

i think part of the reason i'm stressed is cuz i have to do lots of personal business while i'm at work and it takes away attention from the quality of my work and time....i don't have a working computer at home, and my laptop is broken. my friend dom is letting me use his desktop meanwhile, i'm excited about having a comp. at my home! while i'm not looking forward to maybe having to take some work home, i'm certainly very very excited to finally leave my personal business at home and out of my workday, as my work days are busy enough...

i am slowly getting into repairing my automobile. i can honestly see my car getting repaired, and me not having to bother people for rides anymore. i am very excited for the prospect of this, and very excited that i can even *visualize* it. before i couldnt. my mind was too cloudy. i get quite worried when i cant visualize outcomes; it makes me think it won't happen. but now i see it. i see giving paige & james rides every other week. i see myself parking under the bridge again. i see myself driving uptown again! i see myself visiting paige more! i visualize also picking up/dropping off heroes. i visualize myself getting gas. i visualize myself happy and relieved.

either i get it done at pep boys, at the dealership, or with greg. i visualize greg calling me back later this afternoon.

i visualize myself happy, and relieved.

today will be a great day.

because today will go by fast.
because tutoring eric will be great.
the 2 hour meeting won't be that bad.
the 7th graders will be awesome.
i will walk home and i will enjoy it.

everything will be okay.

re-, re-, re-....

the prefix meaning "to do over".

RETHINK what i came here for, my plans of actions.
REEVALUATE plans and budgets.
RESTRICT myself from spending money today.

and clean my board, prep for tutoring, and keep preparing for the future....it's gonna be a long, hectic ride.

i emailed ann, my cousin, last weekend cuz i missed her. saw her reply this morning, it made me tear up a bit...

"...Im not such a big fan myself of large crowds i get cloasterphoic (sp?). Lent -- you see my new years resolution was become a vegetarian until the end of lent, it didnt really worrk out, so now i must be on a journey looking for a new one. But the tree of ideas is growing so im getting there. I would love to know more, it sounds like your having so much fun over there. Im glad you found something you like to do. It must be really exiciting everyday, waking up in the morning and knowing that your day is going to be filled with helping people in this world of chaos!..."

so there's the reality that you know for yourself, then the one you project to others, and then there's the one others interpret of you. they are all real to a degree.

i must stop dwelling on what i know for myself, and maybe focus on how ann interprets it. from her perspective, i have a great life :)

WOOOSH! BLUR!!!!

today: a big blur.
my mind: full. mush.
mental state: teetering.
stomach: full of nothing.

high strung. tense. need to make calendars asap. calendars=key to sanity and success. need time to visualize. need time to meditate. need time to store up sleep energy. need to cook. need to chill. need to pray for help.

catchin my breath

it's been so crazy these past few weeks. the house is a mess. all i do when i get home is sleep sleep sleep, which is something i never wanted to be! but i need that sleep so much...

and i need a better bed...

and i need to find a clutch for my car...

and i need to start prepping for sxsw...i'll be playing it with Ilea mark and ira! it's gonna be a blast...

i need to get as much sleep as i can because these next few weeks are gonna be HELL. i dont want to but i know i've gotta plan for the future, what with february dedicated to mardi gras, and march i'll be working very hard, and my proposal should be finished by then...i need a huge calendar on my wall that can stare me in the face at all times and keep me on my game.

i need to stretch more.
i need to do grocery shopping.
must look into taichi quigong or somethin like that.

i barely have time to visualize my future, this frustrates me. i know what needs to be done, and i know some deadlines, but i cant VISUALIZE my success because between two jobs there's just no time at all! i needed that massage today...

try visualizing today after work for two minutes?
waiting at the office for a little bit for chad to drop me home. during that time i'll probably sleep, and make up calendars for these next coming months. i'll map out right then, or maybe just when i get home. when i get home, i will probably sleep for a little bit, and wake up to clean, and finish the calendars.

little by little, put everything in its place.
and now its time to GOO!

phewf!

I don't know what was in that chicken I smoked this morning,
or the coffee I got from Whole Foods,
or the raw food from Whole Foods,
or WHAT

but I am so impressed with myself because I finished ALL the things on my TTD list!

YAY!

It WAS an awesome day after all.

I hope it was for others as well...

P.S.--

one thing i forgot to add to my TTD list: look up some recipes for raw meals.

the school i work at is near a whole foods, and i've been going there during lunch breaks. i never buy from the salad bar cuz it seems so expensive, but this time i gave in, and bought stuff from the raw foods bar.

that shits good man. definitely not bad.

i had seven things on my ttd list. i knocked off three since i last blogged. and for future reference, i'm posting the recipes i found, which i can't remember where from now because i've already closed out those windows.

so note: these are other people's recipes! i just compiled them for my own quick reference.

GUACAMOLE GOJI BERRY SALAD


Ingredients

Salad
large bowl of mixed baby greens
handful of Goji Berries
1 fuji apple cored and chopped
(can use nectarine or mango as well)
1 teaspoon Vegan DHA Flax Oil
juice from 1/2 lime
sprinkle of pink salt (optional)
1 pinch cayenne pepper

Guacamole
1 large avo
small handful cilantro chopped
1 green onion chopped
1 teaspoon chopped fresh rosemary (optional)
1 teaspoon cumin
juice from 1/2 lime
sprinkle of pink salt (optional)
1 pinch cayenne pepper


Mix baby greens, goji berries, and apple in a bowl with juice from 1/2 a lime, sprinkle of pink salt and cayenne, and flax oil. In a separate bowl mash avocado with remaining ingredients to make a simple guacamole, adjust seasonings if necessary. Top salad with guacamole and enjoy as a really easy dinner:)



EGGPLANT PARMESAN


Ingredients:

1 eggplant
1/2 cup of your favorite nut "cheese"
1/2 cup of your favorite tomato sauce
salt
fresh basil
Preparation:

Slice your eggplant into thin pieces (best if using a mandolin, but just fine with a knife).
Lightly sprinkle the egglant with salt and allow to marinate overnight. The egglant will wilt and the bitterness will be removed with the salt.
Squeeze out the excess moisture from the egglant and arrange on a plate.
Place a teaspoon of "cheese" on top of each slice, then fold the egglant over in half.
Top with your tomato sauce and lots of fresh basil and enjoy!



ITALIAN SALAD
Ingredients:

Toss romain lettuce with diced zuchinni and cucumbers, chopped fresh basil, chopped sundried tomatoes, red bell peppers, grape tomatoes, minced garlic, pine nuts, and avocado. I love this with Poemomm's Ceasar dressing http://goneraw.com/node/6979, or I make a dressing from lemon juice, agave nectar, garlic, olive oil, and dried herbs like oregano, thyme and whatever else I have. Enjoy!



P.P.S.--goji berries, if you don't know about them yet, is a blessing from the universe. get into it asap!

love, moi.

it's been a while

morning times are not very easy because it is cold.
that is the only complaint i have.
oh and also my car needs a new clutch.

THINGS TO DO:
-go over lesson 95
-hide away at 930?
-prep for eric's tutoring
-timesheets, ashe
-timesheets, CY
-shelve at least 3 boxes
-visualize art show

i am excited to not have work after CY today.
i am excited to have my clothes cleaned.
i am excited for foodstamps recharging tomorrow, and cooking LOTS.
i am excited to get new pots and stuff from my friends.

paige said it's going to be a good day, I believe she is right.