friday was my birthday

Now I am poised to meditate on my future. Zelda (dog) woke me up, and now there's no turning back. Just as well; I can use this time to think about myself...

I have been seriously troubled by the fact that I don't know what Future Paula looks like, what she is doing, etc. All I can think about is the present. I am consumed by the present moment. Is this because that's how I got myself here in the first place?

Then a writer comes along
and writes it all down
for the generations to come...
so none will forget
the hard work done,
the battles lost and won...

The sun is shining bright. There is a breeze but not as windy as it was before. I am sitting in a city that is more alive than any other city I've been in. I feel blessed and torn up at the same time.

I am away from my loved ones; I am not. I am nervous about the future, I am not. Sometimes I am excited, and then suddenly change to sad. Why is tihs? Why can't I seem to settle on one emotion?