part of the solution: cristo rey

http://www.cristoreyhouston.org/

note to self.

1. Often the best thing to do is to stay silent.

2. Humans can learn so much from the canines.

3. Often, the other best thing to do is to do nothing, let go.

4. Don't try to lead or force things, be more like water.

5. Pilates really helps keep the figure.

6. Fast food is truly bad for you. The convenience fee is fatness, poor self-esteem, death.

7. If I'm going to write publicly, I must remember that I CANNOT win them all, please everybody, or that people will always agree with me. Especially in the blogging world!

8. Always keep focusing on "next".

9. Morning meditation is very very very important.

10. Must remember to respect people's levels, respect people's boundaries.

11. It's damn hard to admit when I'm wrong...I must try to be more sure of things when I assert myself, or again, get the "silent" thing down.

12. Things are fine as they are, everything is at it should be. Everything has happened for a reason. The Universe doesn't make mistakes. "Mistake" is a human thing. The Universe doesn't make mistakes.

I think the Universe is trying to teach me how to fade away, how to "become forgotten." I am open ears, a willing learner. I will get this.

I get it from my dad: I talk too much sometimes. But often I feel like I got something to say. I always feel like I have something to say, that's the problem. My mom was good at the "silent" thing. Why didn't I ever get hip to it? Probably because I just naturally couldn't understand the understated gracefulness that comes with silence...didnt get it until now.

I am quickly learning that most people here have different ambitions than myself. That's fine. This is America after all. I must not let this bother me. I must keep truckin, got LOTS of projects on the solo tip that if I don't find people that are "with" me, then that shouldn't matter.

CURRENT FOCUS: POEM COMPILATION & STUDYING FOR EXAM & GETTING BACK MY SHAPE!
focusfocusfocusfocusfocusfocusfocusfocusfousfocusfocusfocusfocusfocusfffffff

To the new one.

Dearest,

You don't know me yet. Soon you will. I'm okay with that. We were bound to meet one day, sooner is as good a time as any.

You have concerns. I understand, very well. Probably more than you'll ever know. Let me just say what I wish someone would've said to me when I was in your position: you have nothing to fear. Just be yourself, which I'm sure isn't hard to do.

And about all that you want to keep, that I used to have: you can have it. It's my gift to you. Take it all. Take it for as long as you'd like. I worked through all the difficult times, believe me shit was hard before you came along, but now it's all nice and nearly perfect for your taking, for you to waltz in (you're a dancer, I heard), at the right time. The things, people, places I used to know, those small secret details only lovers could know--all that's old to me. All that's for you.

So go ahead honey, take it. Take everything, I want you to.

It's not mine anymore, not sure if it ever was mine in the first place. I'm okay with that, too.

Regards,
The Old One.

NOLA BOOKFAIR 2009, from a crunchy perspectif.

These are shots of the NOLA Bookfair, some from down on the groundlevel, some from the balcony of the Blue Nile, where the Crunchtown Players performed their extended version of II all day long. 5 runs in all, the first one being totally experimental, stacking it up to the end result: an awesome highly anticipated last run (pretty much a packed house).

intense magnifying crescendowobbling throbbing vibratinglife

Crunchtown Players: I like everything about it.

lessons that are so old, but new to me

1. Beautiful things can come out of shit.
2. Beautiful things can come out of nothing.
3. When someone criticizing you, it is only because they are deflecting criticisms others have of them.
4. Kwan Yin approach never goes out of style.

lesson: fuck compartmentalism!

sometimes i think i should start a new journal for this or that reason but fuck it it makes things complicated. i like this all-in-one thing i got going.

anyway. today i was sitting there on the step of my gelato shop. i was simply looking at my surroundings, looking at the people: tourists (drive-in, flew in from some country in another continent, suburb/big city/rural area in america), fellow warriors in the service industry, families, older couples, couples on dates, group of teenagers, street performer/vendor/fortune teller. when i look at all the people i'm surrounded by i think "wow, this is america." many people may not understand what that means; i cannot fully define what that means. its america, and all that entails, fully encompassing all the ways that word means what it means.

i called my friend adnan, an old friend. sometimes i call him up for random conversations that i always mean to be short but because they're rather intellectual (i honestly dont get enough of that most people are intimidated by and/or too lazy for such conversation) they end up being quite lengthy. most times these heart2hearts end awkwardly but i dont care i'm glad i talked to him and i'm glad they end the way they do.

in short, here are some key points i'm safeguarding here for future reference. in no particular order

-will war ever end? no. anyway it's been happening for quite some time now. only been on the forefront now because weapons are cheap, among other reasons.

-a good way to decrease war: agreements between countries.

-not everyone has an empathetic point of view. a lot of people out there don't exactly know what it feels like to be a "have-not" and so, cannot empathize with the problems of someone who is going through "have-not" type situations.

-if you grew up in Texas, and overall in the southern regions of the United States, FACE IT: YOU WERE RIPPED OFF in your education. if you don't understand this now, go up north and check it out for a minute. Then honestly, objectively think about it. YOU WERE JIPPED. But it's okay, because at least you're not even in the worst-of-the-worst.

-if you look people in the eye, they are more likely to trust everything you say is truth.

-have/have-not is something that is prevalent in all aspects of life on the micro- and macro-cosmic level. it's pretty "trippy" for the likes of me, personally, but it's okay that this kind of thing psyches me out.

-one of the reasons i got into creative things is to convey such personal discoveries in an easily-acceptable, appealing, intriguing fashion.

-New Orleans is most notably functioning in its own economic bubble. reasons:
A: federal funding from Katrina relief pumped money into New Orleans economy; its effect coincidentally pumped money into New Orleans in time to sustain it during the depression
B: New Orleans is a city based on vices; people come here to get away from their problems, spend lots of money on tourist type things, eat out every night they're here, spend money on various accomodations, public transportations, etc. people come here to "live easy," spend freely.



--anyway, this is the first of many such notations, i'm sure.

what changed?

there's a man who comes in every evening now, he's the conductor for the play down the street. some of the musicians come in here too before the show. anyway. one day...


[me yawning as i pour his cup of coffee]

HIM: been a long day?

P: yah, a buncha runnin around.
[we chuckle]
you know, when i was younger i thought it was so fun to go out and do errands! now, it's different. know what i mean?

HIM: yah, things change.

P: tell me, is it just me because i got older and busier, or is it the world because it got faster and busier? what is it, what changed?

HIM: oh well i don't know, if i had the answer for that...i don't know, but i think it's the fun. you don't have as much fun as you used to when you get older.

P: ohh--the FUN FACTOR?

HIM: yah, that's it, the fun factor. anyway that's my answer today. we'll see about tomorrow.



so i guess that's it. the fun factor. then it hit me: how do we have fun as we get older? i skate, but i gotta confess, my right ankle isn't as young as it used to be...it's kinda hard sometimes. i still think that's fun.

what else? i guess i participate in creative projects, that's fun. really fun. earning lots of tips, that's fun. i dont really drink that much. that was never too much fun for me to begin with. i dont do psychedelics anymore either, i've learned to be psychedelic without the substances. in this way, i have learned to create my own fun with only my mind. but is this enough? am i forgetting something i should know about? smoking's fun. willie nelson said "it takes the edge off." bless him for being so right. in this way, i definitely don't forget how to have fun.

but what is it? what is this stress monster? how do i defeat it? what powers of my mind do i need (or need to cultivate)?
===

other than that, not too much to complain about. house is SPOTLESSSS due to someone's mother coming for halloween. also, the dogs are starting to fill out more, means i'm doin a good job of feeding them. work is the same, a bit better. cant complain. might have my rent fully by the 1st, that's very exciting to me. can't complain.